The Insecure Writer’s Group: March 2017

Well, we are now into the month of March 2017. So much has happened since I last posted back in February. Not only that, I am still participating in the challenge that I gave everyone December 31st, 2016. Do you remember the challenge?

I called my challenge « 2,2,&2 ». But, there is something added to it. A little « twist ». For two days, two weeks, two months, and six months(the twist part), everyone who participates has to do something great. Something that is positive that will change and enhance themselves for the better, to make a difference in their own lives.

This positive change must help to change/increase the life of that particular individual for the better. If you need an example, making a lifestyle change to eat healthier and exercise regularly is an example. Another example would be to make a business decision.

Try something new. Create a new product, take hip-hop dance lessons, get a mentor, etc. These are just small examples. If you need to do this challenge a little bit often, go ahead! Then, share your updates!

In between this challenge, I have done a lot of thinking and brainstorming had to deal with a series of questions. My main question that I had for myself was:

1) For the past ten years, did I try hard enough to make my life better in every way that I could?

2) Did I give it enough effort?


The answer:


You mother fucking bet I fucking put forth the fucking effort!!!


Let me give you the biggest example. After that, I will tell you what the results were, due to trying as hard as I could. Back in the year 2010, I enrolled in a college program.

Although I was unemployed, I decided to go ahead and pursue an associate’s degree. So, since no employer would hire me, I decided that it was worth it to spend part of my money that I received through donating plasma. This worked for a while.

Then, I kept getting turned away. This may sound a little nuts, but every time I went in to donate plasma, my pulse rate and sometimes blood pressure would increase after coming into contact with the multitude of cigarette smokers who would smoke around the ZLB plasma building, in downtown Tulsa, Oklahoma.

My reading was still usually O.K., until my vitals still kept reading high. I never had bad vital signs. They remain good this very day. The only time that they were elevated was when I was far along in my pregnancy with my child. Anyway, the nurse there at the plasma center started taking my vitals manually.

The digital blood pressure cuffs at the ZLB Plasma Center looked pretty old and worn out. Not only that, taking vital signs manually is always accurate. After so many visits to the plasma center where my pulse had to be taken manually, the nurse told me that the plasma center’s rules changed. To continue, the nurse told me that the staff was no longer able to take my pulse manually, and that was the new rule.

She then told me that I had to come another time with a clearance from the doctor that I could donate plasma, that I needed a « diagnosis » and my vitals recorded.

As a result, I went to the doctor and received the O.K. to return to donating plasma whenever I wanted. Nothing was wrong with me. And, my vitals were normal. I returned to the plasma center and was rejected and sent home. Boy was I pissed!

Up until this day I have not returned. After I left the plasma center, I no longer had a regular income. I did not return to the plasma center due to all of the bullshit that I went through. Donating plasma at the time was my main income since I was unemployed and active looking for employment. I even paid child support with this income.

I also paid utilities with it. After quite some time, I finally received employment here and there. But, it was not enough. Once I got a job, my child support payments increased.

At Comanche Apartments, my rent skyrocketed to $300.00! I could barely survive! As a result, I could barely even keep my payments up on my correspondence school tuition. That bill was $50.00 a month.

What did I do? My immediate family helped me with the $300.00 rent payment. After that I lost my job after the courts increased my child support payments.

As a result, I started begging for money. Next, I tried to save on my light bill by cutting off my electricity from the utility box inside of my apartment. I kept my lights off during the day this way.

However, there were times when I would arrive at my apartment and my lights were turned back on from my box. Boy was I pissed! My electric bill started skyrocketing. As a result, I called the electric company and made a visit to the apartment office to move to an apartment that was all electric and no gas. That way I would not have to worry about paying two utility bills.

My request was denied. I barely used my gas stove as well. Shit was not right. Not right at all. I went through fucking hell. After losing my job my rent changed, again.

Eventhough my rent was no longer $300/month after losing my job, life for me was still a living hell. I could go on and on, but I will not, because my story got even worse.

I became homeless off and on until April 2016. I continued to write though. And, I still do.


What have I accomplished since then?




Two unpublished books, more clothes for my child, and the ability to keep food on the table. Every now and then I am able to buy a few nice things for myself.

But, it is not very often. I guess I might continue this discussion next month. Hopefully, things will get better. Right now I have a lot of drama going on in my life.

So, that is what is truly fucked up about my situation in life right now. Drama pretty much fucks up every aspect of my life in a negative way. It gets in the way of my work environment as well. Well, fellow writers, my fans, and everyone else in the world, I bid you adieu until next month.

I have some small surprises in the mix for you next month. Positive surprises, I guess.




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